After the pleasantness that was Chetumal we arrived in the small town of Tulum.

Friends we had met in La Paz had recommended we stay at Tubo Tulum which turned out to be a winner! You sleep in big cement tubes that had been fitted out with a bed an an aircon!

 

And they had a cat!! We spent our time relaxing, scootering to cenotes and the beach. We ate ceviche and so much guacamole! During my time in Mexico I am surprised I didn’t turn green I ate that much avocado!!

 

 

After Tulum we took a short bus to Playa Del Carman. At first glance it looked like a dirty tourist town, full of very tanned buff guys in Fluro singlets. At second glance there was heaps of good shopping!!

The hostel we were staying at was nice, we met a few friends including another Richard, this one was English. Matt quickly fell in love, lucky his girlfriend Frankie didn’t seem to mind! We watched Arsenal play in a local bar and did a Mojito making class that night and Matt certainly got his $4.50 worth of rum that night.

Later that night Matt went out with a group of people from the hostel, I went to bed with a cracking headache. They went to a few bars before finding a ‘karaoke’ bar full of locals. I say ‘karaoke’ because it was not a karaoke bar but Matt and Richard sang for them anyway, a romantic rendition of Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’.

The next day we made our way to Cancun. Arriving at our hostel we were greeted with a stink of KP24, if you’ve not come across KP24 before it’s headlice shampoo and has a very distinct pungent smell. The only upside to the grotty hostel was that there were two kittens!!

We spent most our time in Cancun at the beach, the water here is the most amazing colour and it is stinking hot. Cancun was not my favourite place, it’s very Americanised and set up for tourists. We used it as a place to come and go to Cuba and also Isla Holbox.

 

Cuba I’ve already posted about so I’ll skip to Isla Holbox.

When we returned from Cuba we stayed a night in a new hostel in Cancun called Mezcal, it was clean, had a pool and had great air conditioning in the bedroom!!!

The next day we caught a bus and a ferry to Isla Holbox, we went to the island so we could go swimming with whale sharks.

When we went got there it was a small island with sandy roads and not much breeze! We got to our hostel which was quite nice and met up with an English girl we’d met in Playa Del Carman; Emma. After seeking out a very cheap dinner we hopped into bed as we had an early morning the next day, unfortunately we were sleeping in a sauna and we both barely copped a wink of sleep and just lay there sweating instead!

The next morning we hopped on a boat and went searching for the whale sharks. Unfortunately after 3 hours of searching for the first time that season, they couldn’t find them! We were so disappointed as we’d paid a lot of money to swim with them and it was the only reason we’d come all the way to Isla Holbox!

Instead we went fishing for a while, Matt caught 4 fish and I got seasick, then we went snorkelling, we say a few sea turtles and some fish but it wasn’t very clear water so it was difficult to see much. While we snorkelled our captain made ceviche with the fish we’d caught and after snorkelling we went into a lake and are lunch! It was pretty delish!

 

 

In the lake were hundreds of catfish! We got out for an walk around (and to pee in the lake haha) and then got back on board to see some flamingos!

 

Eventually we arrived home during a storm and got saturated getting back to the hostel, but the next morning (after another very hot night) we came back to Cancun and the fab hostel with a pool!

So the last few days in Mexico were spent in Cancun enjoying the beach and the pool! Next stop is New Orleans which ends our Central America stint and starts our last part of our journey!!!

 

 

 

I’m laying in bed, finishing my hangover that had to be temporarily suspended lest I die, while we unexpectedly road horses up a mountain to swim in a waterfall.

Being the rainy season, Cuba is absolutely sweltering and extremely muggy. Matt gets sweaty at the best of time but in Cuba, he is sweating constantly. So as you can imagine, horse riding in the middle of the day with hangovers was not the most pleasant experience, waterfall or no waterfall.

 

You see, it all started on a balmy (muggy) Cuban night when we were charmed by a street bar tender into having a few mojitos. We sat on the ledge below a window on a Trinidad Street in the old town. Matt was smoking his cigar and we were chatting to our new Cuban friend who told us he was a tour guide and could take us to a waterfall tomorrow.

 

Next thing you know Matt’s signing a contract and we were to be picked up the next day at 10am. Oh and we were to call him Cowboy.

During the night I had drunk a lot of rum. A lot. So a 10am start was not ideal. But we got up thinking at worse it was going to be a car ride, short walk and then lazing in a pool at the bottom of a waterfall. How wrong we were.

Promptly at 10am our guide arrived on his bike, and he had a bike tuk tuk for us to climb into. Ok, not so bad, I mean we weren’t the ones pedalling. Cruising through the streets with the breeze in our hair, it was not actually quite pleasant.

Then, we stopped where there were a whole bunch of horses and we aquired a horse each to lead for a while. Horses? Ok? How hard can this be in shorts and thongs (flip-flops for my non-Aussie friends)? Oh and we also acquired our guides lovely Chica.

My horse did not respond well to me and in the end the guide had to lead both his horse and mine.

It was time to get on our horses so up we got, as gracefully as you can imagine, and away we went.

Matt and I were happy for the horses to just walk along the path but our guide had other ideas. We trotted. We cantered. We picked our way up steep, loose rock inclines and back down again. By now the chafing had begun and our butts we feeling the beginning of some bruising. Poor Matt only had on boardies, no jocks but some very uncomfortable inner mesh.

After what felt like an eternity, we stopped off at a restaurant where we were shown how they extract juice from sugar cane and we got to have a go working the crank. We then got to drink our extract. It tasted yummy, but of course it would; it was liquid sugar.

 

Too soon, it was time to get back on the horse. My horse, who I nicknamed Cheeky, (Matt called his Speed Racer) did not like me. I was indifferent to him but did feel sorry for him as he was doing all the work. How ever it was no walk in the park for me either.

Again trotting, cantering, chafing, bruising; we eventually came to a stop. We arrived at a coffee shop (hut) in the middle of a forest and were shown how they hand grid the beans and make a drip coffee. We got one each (and a free cigar). The man making the coffee was great, we later taught him the rest of the lyrics to “Skippy the bush kangaroo” as the only line he knew was “Skippy, Skippy” after which he would hum the tune.

 

 

A 5 mins walk and we were at the blessed waterfall! It was more like a water drip but there was a 9ft deep pool at the bottom of it so we enthusiastically jumped in. Here we floated for about half an hour, dreading the inevitable – the ride home.

 

To cut it short, neither of us can walk. We have bruised bums and aching bodies. And Matt found a flee in his pubes. Oh and I have a rather disgusting photo of Matt’s bum where he has actual grazing from the inner mesh of his board shorts and I am debating whether to put it up.

So as for the rest of Cuba; we arrived in Havana late in the afternoon and after the most painful customs experience we hopped into a mini-van with our 3 new Kiwi friends. One, Kieran we had met at the last hostel in Cancun and just so happened to be on the same flight to Havana as us. The other two, a lovely couple – Kirby and Luke, he then picked up at the airport and we all caught up for a dink that night.

When we arrived at our hostel they didn’t have our booking! The internet is so bad in Cuba we believed it. They were so apologetic and upset they quickly found us accommodation at a Casa and in no time a lovely lady was there to pick us up and take us to what can only be described as a room straight out of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. But it was comfortable and the Casa Mother was lovely!

Early the next morning we hopped on a bus to Trinidad and several hours later (way more than it should have been!) we arrived at our next Casa and they a) had our booking and b) HAD A POOL!!!!!!

The next few days in Trinidad were spent wandering the UNESCO World Heritage old town, swimming in the pool as much as possible and riding horses!

We also visited Playa Ancon for a nice swim and sunbake!

To get back to Havana we were offered a ride in a private car with two other people for the same price as the bus. Hoping it would be quicker we agreed. Unfortunately it was not quicker and Matt spent the entire time awkwardly rubbing legs with an Italian guy.

The next few days in Havana were spent avoiding the sun as much as possible, visiting the Old Town, Cigar shops, The Museum of the Revolution, napping in our air conditioned room before emerging for dinner and riding around in an old school Chevolet.

 

Unfortunately in Cuba the ATM’s rarely dispense cash and it’s also not easy to change back any Cuban money you have got at the end. As a result we tried to only get out what we needed but ended up with not enough with a few days to go, so we spent a lot of time looking for really cheap food and we found most streets sold these really yummy pizzas for approximately 60 cents. I average one a day, Matt averaged 2.

Now we’re at the airport ready to head back to Cancun. Here we need to work out how best to get some Cuban Cigars through America without getting them taken away so we can bring them home!

The Cuban people are definitely the nicest we’ve met, except when they are ‘not trying to sell you anything but did you know you that today you can get cigars half price if you just walk this way…..’

 
When we started our trip we had a vague plan up until we finished the San Blas island tour, but nothing planed until our last three weeks in the US.

So it was a surprise to us both when we boarded our Business Class flight to Guatemala to see my friend from Uni Ryan.

Ryan and I have known each other for about 7 years after we met briefly in a class at Uni, neither of us can recall the class but we both remember a really shit group assignment that bought us together and that’s about it! And also this annoying girl called Jade.

 

Ryan is living in Antigua learning Spanish and after a few Facebook conversations with him, Matt and I decide to go see what Antigua was all about!

We landed and after the quickest and most pleasant customs, so quick and easy we didn’t realise it was over until we were outside the airport, we were pleasantly surprised by Ryan! We drove the 40mins from Guatemala City to Antigua and quickly noted the uniqueness of this UNESCO World Hertiage City, with its cobbled stone streets, hand painted signage, pastel coloured buildings and the volcanos that surround it. Including one active one!!

We were staying at Ryan’s place for a few nights before heading out of town to Lake Atitlan.

After a short bus trip (this one was only 4 hours) we arrived at a town called Panajchal where we hopped on a boat to our first town, San Pedro.

San Pedro is the ‘Party town’ of the lake. The lake itself is a huge body of water literally ringed by dormant volcanos.

The hostel was putting on a quiz show that evening so after a quick meal and 4 rums each at dinner, we joined a group and spent the night losing and boozing.

 

A little too much boozing it would seem as after hopping on the boat to our next destination, Santa Cruz, we all fell asleep in the TV room watching Armageddon.

Santa Cruz was much more relaxed than San Pedro, there were hippie folk everywhere. The hostel we were staying at was having it’s weekly Cross Dressing party that night, but instead of partaking, we went and napped (again) in the TV room.

After our shocking efforts the day before, we decided to hire kayaks and paddle to a cliff where we could jump off into the unknown depths of the lake.

 

Matt and Ryan, testosterone practically shining through their pores, climbed higher and higher each jump, while I played the scared photographer.

 

 

 

This is what it looked like when I jumped:

 

Ryan offered to wait in the water for me so he could help me get out, Matt offered to hold my hand and jump in with me. Still I did not jump. The fear of plunging into the absolute unknown freaked me out too much. What if there was a lake shark? Lake so sharks exist.

After a fair bit of coaxing, cajoling, and some “It’s ok, you don’t have to do it” I jumped off this tiny ledge, and practically broke my leg trying to clamber back up the rocks, as quickly as I could. At least there was photo evidence that I jumped in!

 

That afternoon we bused it back to Antigua where we would stay for another night before making our way to Flores to see Tikal.

Matt and I, much accustomed to the rigours and (un)comforts of travelling opted for the cheaper mode of transport and took the overnight bus. Ryan, who is a pussy bitch, flew.

When we got to the bus station at 9pm for our 10pm bus I decided to take a Dramamine for travel sickness as I had been experiencing it of late. Little did I know it would knock me out and within 15mins I was asleep in the bus station. Matt had to wake me up to get on the bus where I promptly fell back to sleep. The bus was FREEZING however and about 6 hours later I woke up a solid Popsicle.

We met Ryan early the next morning and caught another bus to the Mayan Ruins of Tikal.

Tikal was amazing, and as we wandered (sweated) around the ruins we saw monkeys swinging through the trees!

 

That night we walked around the beautiful island town of Flores and the morning took another bus to Lanquin to visit the stunning Semuc Champey! This bus was not so comfortable. Crammed in the back with my knees around my ears, I sweated buckets. Eight hours later we arrived and Lanquin and had to get a 40 min ride to our Hostel on the back of a ute, standing up, on dirt roads with 18 other people. Yep 18.

Thankfully the Hostel was lovely, albeit vegetarian. It was built on stilts and consisted of a massive open deck and a mezzanine level where the bunks were, all completely open to the elements. And the scorpions….

We arrange a tour the next morning that started with some caving. We were handed a candle (a candle!) and told to head into the darkness being careful of where we stepped. After receiving some stunning face markings from our guide, we were off into the depths of the cave where at some points you had to swim (limbs in so you didn’t hit unseen rocks) holding your candle above water.

We climber up a gushing waterfall, waited while some people jumped from a rock overhang into a very small pool beneath it (Matt and Ryan did it. I did not) and then were dropped DOWN a waterfall between two very close rocks.

 

After this we walked up a big hill. It was disgustingly hot and as we neared the top we were all cursing the need to walk up and also fearing a bit for our lives as the howler monkeys above us screamed their little hearts out. They are scary mother fuckers.

But eventually we reached the top and it was worth every drop of sweat and aching limb!

 

After the climb down we got to swim in the beautiful limestone pools.

 

To get home we had opted to tube down the river to our hostel. What was meant to be a nice, easy, quiet tubing session ended up becoming a life and death situation.

 

At the first set of rapids I casually bumped over them, Matt seeing the joy in my face decided to follow my path but instead his bum smacked into a rock and he dramatically flipped out of his tube and proceeded to a smash from rock to rock on his back.

Instinct kicked in as I paddled, against the flow, to retrieve him and his tube. Arms burning I paddled and paddled trying not to fall in myself and grabbed his arm and hauled him back onto his tube but not before I could see the damage he had done. Yikes. I decided to keep it to myself for now. He didn’t need to know he had torn his back to shreds just yet.

On we went and I kept a close eye on my retarded boyfriend (he asked me not to refer to him as retarded but this is MY blog) and eventually made it back, where I then took a photo and showed him his injuries. Ouch.

 

But that was not to be the worst incident that night. Casually enjoying a drink after a long day a ‘cockroach’ approached one of our drinks, as Matt went to shoo it away we noticed it was A SCORPION. And that was it for me, I had the worst night sleep, even thought I rolled up and down my bed to squash any scorpions.

 

The next day we enjoyed another bus ride back to Antigua. Yay buses.

The last few days in Antigua I spent sick, and then some asshole stole my Chanel No. 5 out of my toiletries bag and Ryan made us climb this really steep hill.

We also spent hours trying to figure out the cheapest way out of Antigua to Mexico. The end result was two buses, one overnight to Flores (the exact one we had ALREADY taken) and a day bus to Chetumal.

After we missed the first bus (not our fault) quickly paid to hop on the next (there was no air conditioning this time) arrived in Flores with no idea where the next bus left from, eventually found the bus (it was 1.5 seat for 2 people), paid $30 for the 6 hours we drove through Belize, we eventually arrived at a grubby hotel in an up-market version of Turbo.

But the shower was great and the air conditioning freezing. The next morning we hopped on a bus for Tulum!

Ok, I’m not going to write too much about the San Blas islands because I think the photos speak for themselves but I’ll lead you into it.

We booked the Fast Boat Tour where you boat around on a fast boat and stay on the islands, as opposed to sailing and sleeping in the boat.

The benefit is that you avoid the 36 hours in open water from Cartagena to the Islands, the downside is Turbo.

Turbo is described in Lonely Planet as ‘an aptly named town, in Colombia, as you will want to Turbo through it’ and this was very true.

After two 4 hour buses we arrived in dirty, disgusting, scary and
fecking hot Turbo. The hostel we stayed at with our Tour Group was rank, the bed was like cement and the pillow felt like a stack of wet cardboard. And the toilet / shower; repulsive.

 

At this stage we hadn’t really met the other people but we’d chatted to a guy called Joshi from the UK so the three of is went to dinner and in search of Rum. After we located the Rum, in a more dodgier part of the town, we basically ran home!

The next morning we caught a boat to an island where we would be meeting our guide. It was a four hour boat ride and it was the most horrendous four hours of my life!!!!! Except for maybe Death Road. The boat slammed down over waives, nearly tipped once, and our bags were just piled at the front. Fearful that I’d lose my bag in the sea, sore in the general ass region and scared of dying, I considered jumping in and swimming to shore. The sharks stopped me.

After we arrived and had lunch and stamped out of Colombia we were taken on ANOTHER boat to a different island where we would be staying the night. So far the tour hadn’t officially started but we were getting close to the start.

That night we sweated in a barely air conditioned dorm with 7 others. Early start and another 30 mins on the boat and we were at immigration into Panamá. They sniffer dogged every bag and then searched every single persons bags. EVERYTHING OUT, dirty knickers and all. Lucky for me my customs official spent the whole time hitting on me and we actually didn’t open half my bag. Not scary at all. I did write http://www.matchmaker.com on his arm he can find himself an Australian bride.

Another 2.5 hours on a boat and we were on the first island we were going to sleep on. We dropped our stuff off and headed to a deserted island for some swimming, sunbaking, drinking and Volley Balling.

Have I mentioned yet that I don’t really like boats!! So you might wonder why I went on this tour, well this is why:

 

The accommodation that night was over water bungalows with hammocks. We even pee’d directly into the sea.

 

So for the rest of the time the trip followed a similar sequence; boat, deserted island, swim, sunbake, drinks, coconuts and volleyball.

My time at school paid off as I killed it at volleyball showing dedication to the game and ending up with an arm full of bruises and knee scabs. But my pair won both the ‘official’ matches! Thank you Brighton High.

 

 

We ate SOOOOO much lobster each night (srsly I had 3 full lobsters one night!) and drank so much rum and played hilarious drinking games (hence the Colombia post). We also got to be introduced to the Kuna people who live on the islands. They were are really friendly people and their kids were the cutest! First time I’ve been swarmed and not pick pocketed or had something forcefully sold to me!!

 

We also made some amazing new friends, maybe not quite as amazing as the Scots (haha you three better be reading this) but amazing all the same! Three of the girls were even from Adelaide!!! And I adopted an American girl into my family.

 

After the islands we arrived in Panamá City salty, dirty (I forgot to mention the bucket showers…) and tried.

Panamá city turned out to be an unexpected beauty and not just because there were cats everywhere! But ther were cats everywhere!! Well fed and beautiful!! 

 

We were in a really nice hostel and we continued to hang out with our new friends, did the obligatory Panamá Canal trip and just generally loved it.

 

Now we’ve said good bye to a wonderful city and some new friends and were on a Business Class flight to Guatemala to see an old Friend!! Ryan here we come!!!!

Also I’m well aware that I ended up writing heaps about the San Blas islands.

Panamá City you’re easily in my top 3 cities I’ve visited in the world!!!

 

Aaaaaah Colombia. Ok, let’s be honest right from the start I am currently drunk and swinging in a hammock. Said hammock is my bed for this evening.

So let me tell you about Colombia. Oh by the way Paul Kelly’s To Her Door is playing in my ears right now, winner.

Ok so, we arrived in Puno and first let me say PUNO HAHAHAAJAHAHA poon.

Ok so we got the and we got on a boat *omigod some dance song just came on, but it’s ok I skipped to Ace of Bace, we cool again* anyway and we headed straight out to the floating island (BTW can I just zay I’ve drunk heaps of rum right now) anyway, islands and floating, yeah they were heaps cool! I think I’ve mentioned this hang on… I’m just going to re-read last post. Oh shit I have, Puno was in Peru.

So Bogota, that’s where we start. Ok Bogota. So by now I’m with Julie and also the next song is playing and it’s a ripper, FADER OK, so we get to Bogota and we’re staying in a hotel, hang long my hammock stopped swinging… Ok we’re swinging again, ok hotel was good and we climbed Cerro Monserrat and by climbed I mean took a cable car and it was nice view and shit and more stations of the cross (they bloody love that) and we had lunch blah blah lets get to my birthday.

Ok so first of all when we were in Duty Free Lima – Bogota I bought myself Coco Madamoiselle and Julie was pissed because appRently she’d bought me Chanel No. 5 for my birthday. So what did she do? Wrapped it in Gaffe Tape. God I love that jerk.

On my birthday night I FaveTimed my mum and her and dad were waiting with party hats on and they had party hats on our dog Chloe and my baby Ruby and when they answered my call the sang Happy Birthday to me whilst giggling Chloe and Ruby. It was the funniest and most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

 

My mum and dad are so beautiful and funny and while I type this I have the biggest smile on even thought it was a week ago!!! God I love them. They are best. They are my Best.

And I also get his:

Ruby apparent sent this message via my mum. Fucking legend cat.

So off to a good start, I had a new top and a rip in my jeans, and had just had an excellent conversation with my lovely mama and papa and also a glass (or two) or Moët! Mind you it was from the bathroom they give you on the bathroom. All class.

Next off to dinner. Lovely Matt had planned this a while ago and we went to, shit I can’t remember, it started with a C. Anyway it was amazing and I had lobster pasta. Yum. And then. Crazy dessert, see below.

 

After that our ‘driver’ drove us to Chia where we went to Andreas Carne Res which turned out to be the wildest place in Bogota…

At table of 19 year olds adopted us. Need. I. Say. More.

Anyway next day, not as hung over as I would have expected we went to Cartagena.

Cartagena is paradise, we swam in the pool, visited the magnificent Old City, and the pristine Playa Blanca….

 

Drunk, so drunk. Now were in the San Blas island. So good. Rum.

You know what the best song is Such Great Heights. It is. I’ll fight you.

Byeeeeeeeee. Oh wait, Enrique’s Hero the Metro Mix is on. Yeah boi. I will stand by you forever. Yeaaaaaaaaaah you will.

 
We arrived mid afternoon in Puno and hopped straight on a boat out to the floating islands for a quick trip to a couple of islands.

The islands are made of the reeds that grow in Lake Titicaca and the original inhabitants moved onto the lake to escape the Incan tribes.

The islands were spectacular and the family’s on there were selling things they had made and of course a little girl made a bee line for me and sold me a hand draw picture for 2 Soles. She saw me coming a mile away! We road on a reed boat from one island to the next while the sun was setting!

 

Next day, very early, we were off to Cusco via a day trip tour where we stopped off at various Incan ruins and a few churches.

My first impression of Cusco was that it was a dry and dusty city but upon arriving at the city centre I was pleasantly surprised by it’s cobbled streets and stunning architecture.

We went on a tour of the Sacred Valley the next day where we saw Incan Ruins up close for the first time!

 

 

The next day was Grand Final day and the day Julie and Jue arrived, so of course no plans were made outside of watching the game and awaiting the ladies!!!

The game was pretty boring to be honest!! After all the goals we’d seen in the early games this one was a bit of an anticlimax! But either way Germany won and the World Cup was over. I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I’ve let Downton Abbey fill the void but now I’ve finished that too.

However the arrival of M’Julie certainly brightened things and I threw myself at her when I saw her! Plus she had bought me my requested She-Wee as is been experiencing some of the most hideous toilets of my life!!

Two tips for using a She-Wee, maintain a constant flow and don’t laugh while using it!!

 

Up bright and early the next day for Macchu Pichu!!! It was freeeeeezing cold when we were leaving at 5:45am to get to the train! We had decided earlier on to do MP by ourselves, instead of through a tour agency. I had arranged the train and we knew where to get the bus/MP tickets once off the train, all we needed was a guide!

The train trip itself was pretty amazing! And when we arrived (after some food / coffee) we managed to find both the bus tickets and the MP
Tickets and then we found Nelly, our very patient and wonderful guide, who took us round Macchu Picchu and at one point said to us “You are very fun, yes?” Yes Nelly how’d you guess!!

Macchu Picchu was indescribable, you simply have to go there, but here’s some pictures for you anyway:

 

Next day off to Lima, and Cusco and Lima could not be more different; Cusco is seeped in culture and history and Lima is a cosmopolitan beach side city! We were only in Lima over night but we managed to go to a water park and find ourselves a cool place to eat dinner. Oh and we went to the Casino. It was no Vegas.

Next day we were off to Bogota!